Since I started writing “Noriko’s Tales”, I have been motivated to look on-line at related subjects. One thing is for sure – Americans have a fascination with Asian women, along with the belief that they are “submissive”. This is a rich and fascinating topic, one which I have attempted to address before (see earlier Tale, “Submissive Japanese Housewives?” Because it is a complex cultural topic, it is hard to address all angles in one post. The Tale below is another effort at shedding light on this subject.
Noriko and I were having dinner with a couple we had just met (“John and Debra”), at a Thai restaurant in Los Angeles. As the four of us settled around our table, a very attractive Thai waitress walked by. Instinctively we looked at her, taken by her beauty. “Sure. Go right ahead and stare at her. Be real discreet about it!” Debra said derisively, chiding John as if he had been the only one to look. There was an awkward moment.
“She WAS vedy pretty,” said Noriko. “I lookuh too!” She laughed innocently, and after an instant of hestitation, everyone, including Debra, laughed. Social crisis averted!
Later during dinner, the conversation turned to politics. Having had some wine, I spoke relatively freely. “I am not a big Hillary lover. I like this guy Obama better, and the notion that we should vote for Hillary because she is a woman – to me, that is as goofy-headed as saying that you SHOULDN’T vote for her because she is a woman. It takes a biased position and just flips it on its head.”
“How can you say that?” Debra’s voice jumped considerably in pitch and volume. “Women in this country have been sold short for CENTURIES. It is only fair now to turn it around, and there is nothing we can do to even BEGIN to make up for the hardship that women have suffered in this country. Voting for Hillary is the ONLY way to go!”
Gulp. It was clear that any sort of meaningful exchange on this subject was prohibited by Debra’s emotional reaction. She looked to Noriko for womanly support, but Noriko glanced away. It was one of those “uh, where is the waiter…?” kind of moments.
Later, as we drove home, Noriko and I were free to process the evening’s encounter. “American women – dey so militant about everyting. Dey vedy bull-headed, I tink.” “How so?” I asked. I wanted to hear more of Noriko’s point of view on this as a Japanese woman.
“Always someting to fight ovuh. Need to ‘liberate’ demself, to powuh-struggle over every little ting. What wrong with man look at pretty guhl? American women don’t seem to know what powuh all about…”
“What do you mean?”
Vedy simple, when it come to powuh. Fuhst, Japanese wife control money in household. Husband makeuh money but wife manage. She give him allowance. Dat powuh!” Noriko paused for a moment to laugh with appreciation at her own presentation. Then she continued. “But more important – Japanese society matriarchal: Japanese women have power because dey women. Women women, period. Don’t have to act ‘assertive’ all the time, put on big show. You men love us; you want us. You have to have us, and DAT true powuh of woman. No need to fight ovuh bullshit. American women are so ‘liberated’ dat dey FORGOT dehr real power!”
We both laughed, although at the same time I was thinking about what she was saying, wondering how American women would hear such coments. “I own you because I your wife!” Noriko declared.
“Truer words were never spoken!” I said and we laughed again. “Honey, may I have my allowance for next week?” I asked with mock-meekness.
“Yes, you may, deah, now dat you have propuh attitude!” Noriko snuggled close to me for the rest of the drive home….
What do readers think? Are Japanese women “submissive” and American women “liberated”? Though they may not appear interpersonally assertive per American culture, Japanese women seem to know how to get their way in relationships. Readers comments welcomed!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: american women, funny, humor, interracial marriage, japanese culture, japanese girl, matriarchal societies, politics, relationships, the women's movement
I come from the matriarchal system. Let the woman take her natural place as the Queen of the relationship… and I will be her Knight. She’s superior because I’m humble enough to see it. You know she loves you when you say something she don’t agree with and instead of getting pissy, she laughs.
I do agree with Norikos idea of powuh doh.
Only insecure people would care if their mate checks out another good looking woman. I thought Debra’s display was like wearing her insecurity like a badge.
Frank
yup… agreed with noriko…
Hi Guys!
This issue is something I strongly feel about. So I really appreciate your supporting comments!
Frank is spot on about Debra. My husband will point out a pretty woman to me but he does not leer and I know he will never stray because we are happily married. As a Brit, it sometimes seems to me that American women are continuing a fight they have already won.
On the Hillary issue, I think your point was excellent. She was treated differently by the media, though: nobody expected Obama to cry, did they? Frankly, I’d prefer the leader of the free world to be as hard as nails, and I can’t help wondering if her emotional display for the cameras cost her valuable votes.
As a woman, I hope you don’t mind me saying that you have a beautiful wife.