Rodents 101

The front door slammed open as Noriko entered the house. “Dehr MOUSE in my car!” she said indignantly. “Not just in ahr conditionuh, but in car propuh!” I calmed her down, and this story slowly emerged:

Noriko had gone to the Honda dealer because her air conditioning wasn’t working. “I spend TWO HOUR at Honda because dehr was THREE mouse in aihr conditionuh. Me and dogs finally lie on sofa in waiting room and sleep.” But the worst of it was still to come: After she came home, Noriko thoroughly vacuumed the interior of her car. The next time she checked it – “I can’t believe – dehr mouse poop all ovuh back of car! I hate mouse!” Noriko’s displeasure for mice and cockroaches is a theme introduced in an earlier Tale, which I am now finally expounding upon.

“But don’t worry,” she said, assuringly. “I have solution….” Noriko related this as if she were sharing some sort of secret or inside story with me. She paused dramatically. ” I have…. mouse zappuh!”

That’s right – rather than an old-fashioned mouse trap, Noriko has spent $50 on a special new product called “The Rat Zapper”. “It small box. You put bait inside and mouse entuh little door. When it do, it get ELECTROCUTED!” Noriko momentarily shook back and forth, conveying the experience.

“But what about the poor mouse? Won’t PETA’s mouse lovers come after you?” I asked.

“Nice thing about zappuh is you don’t even need to SEE mouse.” She paused as she prepared to recount some of the Zapper’s finer features. It was then that I noticed a little brochure on the dining room table entitled “Rodents 101″. “Light go on here when mouse entuh little house,” Noriko told me excitedly. Denn you just turn it over like dis and you can shake out mouse and not even look at it.”

“Gee, that is a wonderful feature,” I replied, taking in the exciting visuals of Noriko’s show-and-tell. “That’s worth $50, dear!” Noriko didn’t pick up my facetious tone. “Yes, it electrocute mouse. He look like dis….” Again Noriko portrayed what the mouse purportedly looked like. “Honey,” I asked, as I considered what Noriko had said. “If you didn’t look at the mouse, per this wonderful feature you are promoting, then HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOUSE LOOKED LIKE?”

Noriko looked momentarily stunned, like a mouse caught in the proverbial trap. “You got me on dat. I peeked at mouse when I emptied zappuh. But important thing is you have OPTION not to look!”

“But what about the poor mouse? Isn’t this inhumane treatment?” I pressed my point.

“Mouse cute,” Noriko admitted. “Not gray, but two-toned, white and kinda calico. Look like little hamstuh. He cute,” she conceded, paused, and then regained her commitment. “But I cannot afford luxury of mouse in my car. Poo-poo everywhere; carry disease. And what if mouse chew electrical wiuh? Cause problem. Cute or not, NO mouse in MY car!”

“Couldn’t you just catch them and let them go?” I was relentless.

“No, no I resuched dat. Mouse vedy clevuh. You let him go, he just come right back. Resuch say you have to take mouse a least FIVE MILE from house or he just return. And why is electrocution so inhumane?” she asked. In American society, we electrocute HUMAN, so why you give me trouble over dis mouse control technique? Huh?” Her tone was triumphant.

Noriko had me on that one. End of dialogue – the mouse zapper had prevailed against my ethical challenges and it would rule on against the mice on (or in) our property. Believe it or not, (honest) as I wrote this Tale here in my studio, to my astonishment a little mouse casually walked by me and then hid under a table. Bring on the Zapper!