Noriko was cooking lunch in the kitchen when I walked in. As usual, she began addressing a topic with little introduction. “I out of market,” she said. “Market too scary dese days. Too volatile for my taste. I not speculatuh; I swing traduh.”
“It’s up to you, honey. Whatever you want.” My chief interest, frankly, was lunch.
“It just too much,” Noriko continued, ignoring me. “Too volatile for me. I chicken. I thought I had guts, but I don’t. I just don’t have duh guts for dis market….”
“‘Don’t have the guts,’ huh? You know every English idiom in the book, don’t you?” I commented.
“Luhned from you. You teach me all duh silly ones. You my teachuh!” Noriko replied.
Out of curiousity I asked “Do you say ‘he doesn’t have the guts’ in Japanese?” Noriko reflected on my question. “Uh, I don’t tink so. I can’t remembuh. I don’t speakuh Japanese for so long, I forget dese ting….”
Fortunately, the chicken was ready and I got what I had been looking for – lunch!
A few minutes later, as I was eating, Noriko came out of the kitchen. “You have a small butthole!” she said excitedly.
I looked at her, dumbfounded. “Excuse me….?”
“You have a tiny little butthole!” Noriko repeated, as if she were making a critical point.
“And the need to discuss my butthole while I have lunch is….?” I was in no mood for Japanese riddles.
“No, not YOUR butthole. It what we say. We say dat “he has small butthole.”
I chewed my chicken in silence, still confused.
“We talk about it uhlier. Instead of ‘he don’t have guts’, we say ‘he gotta small butthole.’”
I finally got the connection. “Oh, I get it – if you want to say that someone isn’t bold enough, or brave enough, you say he has a small butthole…?”
“Oh, yes, we vedy mattuh-of-fact about it: He simply have small butthole.” Noriko shrugged as if this point were self-evident. I started laughing.
“What so funny?” Noriko asked.
“Well, it is funny to hear how different cultures have such different ways to convey the same idea,” I said.
“Not so different, really,” she replied.
“How so?” I asked.
“Well it all the same system. Different quadrant, dat all. One uppuh quadrant, udduh lowuh quadrant, but same system.” Noriko shrugged her shoulders.
“Maybe you are right about that,” I conceded. “But let me ask you this: To say that he is brave, do you say ‘he has a big butthole?’”
Noriko laughed disparagingly. “Ha! Of course not! You don’t say he has big butthole. You can only say he haveuh small one. Don’t be ridiculous!”
“Oh, so I am the one who is being ridiculous? Well, then why don’t you get back to your investing and let me eat my lunch in peace?” I suggested.
“Sure, you eat, fine, But I don’t go back to investing. My butthole simply too small for it!” Noriko grinned at me as she walked back toward her executive suite…..
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: funny, japanese culture, japanese girl, interracial couple, japanese expressions, japanese idioms
