Media Madness: Noriko Watches Nancy Grace

Noriko and I were lounging on the futon together. I flicked on the TV, in an exploratory mood, and up came the celebrated commentator Nancy Grace. As usual, Nancy was foaming with rage and hatred. “Oh, no, NO NANCY GRACE!” Noriko declared. “She too much!” My feelings exactly, but at least I was getting a rise from my wife, so I held firm on the controller for a moment. “Just because you can’t get a date – does THAT justify KILLING PEOPLE?” Nancy’s usual “panel of experts” all balked at replying to her rhetorical question, knowing one misstep would result in a verbal body blow from the “hostess”.

Finally, one fool spoke up. “Well, Sodini was clearly mentally ill, Nancy….” his tone nearly pleaded for mercy. “I DON’T CARE if he was mentally ill, BOB!” Nancy spat out the name with a percussive fury. “Lots of people are mentally ill, but they don’t go around KILLING PEOPLE!” This last comment was thrown like a dagger into Bob’s professional heart. “I mean, that is BEYOND ridiculous!”

Nancy was on a roll, about a guy we had not yet heard of. Apparently this dude Sodini had shot three people and then himself – in today’s deranged society, an act hardly warranting much attention. But then the real “charm” of the story was revealed: Prior to his anti-social act, Sodini had had several blog sites, and upon review, it became clear that he had embedded some “hints” as to his intended destructive act. Beyond that, he had placed a few videos at youtube. Readership at his blogs was now through the roof, and THIS was something Nancy could sink her killer teeth into. It occurred to me that maybe I could as well….

“Tuhn udduh channel!” Noriko barked again, with a tone that suggested little room for compromise. Obligingly I hit the button and we traveled to another news channel, which was STILL fussing about Michael Jackson…..( see Tale from the previous month regarding this subject.) “But honey, check this out. I don’t think you are hearing the brilliance of what this guy did,” I said.

“Huh? What you talking about?” Noriko took the bait. “Well, killing a few people these days is small change; hardly warrants a few minutes of coverage. But this Sodini guy was clever enough to write some stuff at his blog sites and to create some promotional videos. Now THAT is innovative, that’s something you know the media is going to grab and hold onto. If you are going to go down in a hail of bullets, then at least have some journalistic payback for it, don’t you think?”

Noriko looked at me and said “Don’t be so silly! We watchuh about Michael.”

“But honey, I don’t think you are getting my point. You know how hard it is these days to gain readers at a blog site. Just think of what such an act would do for your “Noriko’s Tales.” Readership would go through the roof!” Noriko responded with silence, but clearly she had heard me. “Tuhn back to Nancy,” she said quietly. I flicked the channel and there was Nancy, her daily dose of righteous loathing being directed at Sodini, as several of his photos rotated on the screen. “That’s right!” shouted Nancy. “This DIRTBAG might have been crazy, but he was sane enough to get that his act would guarantee him his 15 minutes of fame. Or I should say ‘infamy!’” Then she and her panel – role models for society – all shouted at each other nonstop, an incoherent symphony of rage. I turned the volume down to cope with the moment.

After several minutes of free-for-all, Nancy caught her breath and her attention back to the viewers. “Don’t go away!”, she commanded, “after the break, you will get to peek at Sodini’s blog sites AND his videos! What a LOW-LIFE!” Nancy was still yelling when the camera cut to the commercial.

“Honey, I could take this one step further,” I suggested, talking on my feet. I could write a number of Tales for you which you could put up at the site, one at a time, AFTER the act. You would become an instant internet celebrity!”

“Hmmm….” This last point had gotten Noriko’s attention. “Maybe so,” she said, hesitating. “But you would have to die…?”

“Well, yeah, but this would be my last gift of true love to you – think of it that way!”

And she did; Noriko gave it a few seconds of consideration. Finally, she said “Nah, forget it. You say in English, ‘buhd in hand bettuh den two in bush’, right? I don’t wanna lose your income for fantasy of what ‘might be’. Too risky, and I too shy to be celebrity. Forget it,” she said and then in perfect rhythym, she ordered “And tuhn channel! No more dat Nancy Grace! We go back to Michael” : )