We had dinner with a young friend named Zach. Once Noriko had a bit of wine and entered top form, we were all laughing. Then I cautioned Zach. “Be careful there son; you never know when you might find yourself suddenly residing within the interior of a Noriko’s Tale…. Zach gave me a sober look, realizing the distinct possibility….
Afterward we stopped at Whole Foods to look at some amino acid product Zach had recommended. Suddenly, just a child or a puppy, Noriko disappeared. Where the heck is she? We looked all over for her. Gotta put that girl on a leash! And just like that, as we were searching for her, Noriko nonchalantly reappeared. She was happily chewing on something.
“Honey? Where were you? We are ready to go!”
“I enjoying chocolate thumple.”
“Chocolate samples? Sounds good. Where are they?” A little free desert – what the heck? I follow Noriko over a couple isles, imagining that there will be some set-up where they are giving away samples to promote a product. Instead, Noriko goes to the bulk area. “Let’s see…. dis one good. Dis one vedy good!” She simply reaches into the bin and digs out a handful, matter-of-factly, and starts eating them….
“Nori-chan! Those aren’t SAMPLES! You are just stealing the shit. And at least have the decency to use duh scoopuh instead of sticking your dirty hand in there.”
“Hand not duhty. Beside, bacteria good for immune system.” Chomp, chomp. “Ah, dis one good too. I likeuh dis.” Into the next bin she goes.
“HONEY! Stop it – they have cameras in a joint like this. They will put you in jail!”
“Nah, I good customuh. Dey know dat if camera catch me. Everyone do dis; you just naive. Look around.” Noriko gestured around herself, still holding chocolate in her hand, at the Whole Food customers. “The trick is to watch mouth. You not see dem sticking hand in bin, but watch mouth. If you do, you see dat maybe 25% MOVING. Why mouth moving like dat?” She asked rhetorically while her own mouth moved. Chomp chomp!
“Well, I don’t do it and I don’t think everyone else does either, so stop it,” I said, attempting to manage the situation. Peripherally I notice that, from the inside or the outside, Zach was observing this Tale-in-the-making. “Hey, dey rip me off all duh time at dis joint, so I retuhn favuh. One day when I get home I discovuh dey charge me seven dollah for one zuchini. SEVEN DOLLAH!” Noriko said indignantly. “So dese thumple – dey simply cost of doing business. Dat all. Ah, I like dis one bettuh!” Having now found her favorite product, Noriko was ready to settle in at that bin. “Honey, that’s ENOUGH!” I said. And then, having gotten Zach’s attention, I took my wife’s chocolate-stained hand and steered her toward the door….
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: funny, humor, inter-racial couples, japanese culture, japanese girl, Rip-Off, Whole Foods
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A definite great read..Jim Bean